Ring, Ring
by Willow Fireheart
Summary: Jack O'Neill learns a very important lesson, answering Sam Carter's phone may be hazardous to your mental health.
1. Why Don't you Give Me a Call?

**Ring, Ring.**

Spoilers- Nothing in particular, perhaps some vague season 6 stuff- mainly for Jonas.  
Disclaimer- So not mine.  
Note- my first time writing Jonas, I'm so excited! Not that he does much here but it's the fact that he's here that counts.  
xxx

Jack raised his head off of Carter's couch and groaned. Last night had been a very bad idea. Or to put it in Sam speak: one bad mission + three injured team mates + a night of beer, poker (a game of go fish for Jonas) and throwing popcorn at bad sci-fi movies equalsmajor hangover and the possibility of throwing up all over your 2IC's nice new rug.

A sound that was suspiciously similar to a giggle made him groan again.

"We'll see who's laughing after I throw up over your living room."

"Trust me, sir," yep, there was laughter in her voice, "it could not look any worse after Jonas's accident last night."

There was a moan from the corner. "I'm so sorry, Sam."

"It's okay, Jonas. It's only alcohol; I think it'll clean out. I'll tell you what, why don't you go and a grab a change of clothes out of the spare room, all of Dad's old stuff is still in there, and as soon as Teal'c's done with the bathroom, go get cleaned up."

Jonas smiled up at Sam. "Thanks."

"He's not smiling, is he?" Jack asked, his arm thrown over his eyes to block the midday light.

"It's my first hangover on Earth."

Jack pulled the cushion out from under his head and threw it at Jonas. "Arrgh! You're too damn happy!"

xxxxx

Jack ran a hand through his damp hair and sighed in relief, finally he was starting to feel human again. And now for some breakfast, the one meal Carter couldn't screw up. Eggs, bacon, toast, some coffee, mmmm.

Jack plucked at the oversized shirt he wore; Jacob was a bit larger in the chest than he was. Larger than Jack he might have been, but it was a damn good thing Teal'c had the foresight to pack a change of clothes for himself and leave them here; he woulda burst out of Jacob's shirts like the incredible Hulk. Jack smirked at the image.

Jack breathed deeply, his stomach rumbling as the delicious scent of bacon cooking reached his nose. It lead him right into the kitchen where Jonas and Teal'c were already seated at the table shoving scrambled eggs into their mouths. Carter ran between elements, stirring the eggs and turning the bacon.

"Hey, you guys started without me."

"Sorry, sir, but if Teal'c's stomach growled any louder my neighbours would have been complaining about my dog."

"You do not have a dog, Major Carter."

Sam laughed. "Never mind."

The phone rang.

"Dammit." Carter sucked on her burnt thumb, having accidentally hit one of the frying pans. "Sir, can you get that please?"

Jack leaned over and snagged the phone. "Hello, Samantha Carter's house."

There was a pause on the line. "Ah, hi. Is Sam there?" It was a woman, she seemed kinda startled.

"She certainly is, may I ask who's calling?" Out of the corner of his eye Jack noticed Jonas paying careful attention to him. Boy was like a goddamn sponge.

"Can I ask who's asking?" The woman's voice had turned playful.

Jack smirked. "I'm just the houseboy she keeps locked up in the attic."

"Sir!"

The woman laughed. Before either of them could say another word Sam grabbed the cordless phone from him and shoved the spatula into his hands with a glare.

"Hello? Oh, hi, Sally. No. No! He's my CO, Sal! Yes. Actually, he is, very much so. Sally, I'm not going to- Why? Fine, grey. Yes. No. I had a bit of a party last night. No, he wasn't. The boys are eating breakfast at the moment. Sally! Hey, if I remember it was you that was into that."

Jack listened attentively to Carter's side of the conversation. It was actually pretty interesting considering he was only getting half of the conversation.. Even Jonas and Teal'c were quiet. Not that Carter had tried to keep her voice down or even move into the next room.

He cursed as the smell of burnt bacon hit his nose, making his stomach threaten a revolt. Quickly, and awkwardly, Jack flicked the rashers of bacon onto a plate.

"I can't ask him that! No. Sally, no. Okay. Okay. I'll tell him. I said I would! It was good to hear from you, Sally. Yeah, I know, but you know work." She laughed. "I'll see you then, Sal. Yeah, I'm looking forward to it too. Bye."

Carter hung up and put the phone back in the cradle. She eyed the singed bacon in amusement.

Jack couldn't help himself. "So, that was Sally."

"Lieutenant Sally Grosset, I worked with her at the Pentagon."

"She seems nice."

Carter settled herself into a seat across from Teal'c and grinned at Jack. "I'm glad you said that, sir," she told him casually.

Uh oh. "Why's that, Carter?"

Carter pushed some eggs onto her plate. "Because she's coming for a visit next week and if you're, uhm, available ... for the weekend she wants to hire you. She said she's always wanted a houseboy. She's got this cute little costume all picked out."

Jack paled as Sam burst into laughter.

Jonas looked between the two officers, wearing his 'what?' face.

Teal'c leaned across the table to grab the rest of the bacon. "Do not trouble yourself, Jonas Quin. I have lived amoung the Tauri for many years and still their ways baffle me."

xxx

end.


	2. The Happiest Sound of Them All

**The Happiest Sound of Them All**

Spoilers- previous chapter.  
Disclaimer- they still don't belong to me.  
Note- people wanted to see more, I wasn't going to until I realized that another fic I was working on could be altered to fit this and viola!  
xxx

Major Samantha Carter, USAF, was defying a direct order. And she didn't care. It could have been the fact that at this moment she was off duty and far from the base. It could have been because her CO was nowhere to be seen. Although, it was most likely the fact that she was drunk. All three made very good arguments. Sam didn't care and the damn giggles didn't either.

It was horrendous. Should one Colonel Jack O'Neill have been there he would have been… well actually he would have gotten a big kick out of it. Her arms were folded on the bar and her head rested on them. Her body would shake with each giggle and several times she just caught herself before she fell off her stool. The worst thing was she couldn't remember what was so funny.

An arm landed solidly on Sam's back. "Sham-Sham, I think- I think you've had too much to drink!"

Sam lifted her head with great difficultly. "Sally! At least I'm not slurring my words."

Lieutenant Sally Grosset giggled and leaned against the bar. She smiled happily. "I'm really glad I came to Colorado, Sham."

Sam beamed wobbly. "Me too, Sal. And I'm glad that Colonel O'Neill convinced General Hammond to give me leave."

"Like Uncle George could say no to you." Sally slipped onto a barstool, narrowly missing falling on her behind. She arched an eyebrow and smirked. "Colonel O'Neill? That the guy who answered your phone last week?"

Sam nodded. "Yep."

Sally sighed, her long dark hair falling forward to cover her face. "He sounded yummy."

Sam grinned then tried to force her face into a neutral expression. "Colonel O'Neill is a very competent leader, a good man and… and…"

"And?"

The neutral expression fell from Sam's face, a drunken grin replacing it. "And, dear god, is he handsome!" Sam giggled. "He's fitter than some of the Airmen we get in. Oh, you should see him, Sal."

Sally brightened. "Why don't I?"

Sam blinked. "But he's at home."

Sally dug into her purse and pulled out her compact cell phone. She waggled it in Sam's face.

"He doesn't have to be."

xxxxx

Jack scrubbed a hand over his face and then roughly pushed back his sleeve to reveal his watch. 0230. It was far too early- or late, he couldn't be sure.

Jack winced as the door to the bar swung open, unleashing a cloud of smoke and loud pulsing music onto the quiet parking lot. This was not his type of place. In fact, if it hadn't been for the rather vague phone call from Carter demanding he get down here right now he'd be home asleep.

Drawing in a deep breath, Jack pushed his way into the bar. He ignored the women who turned to follow his progress into the building.

"There he is! Jack! Jack, over here!"

Jack turned, catching sight of the tall blonde. Sam grinned at him and turned to say something to the brunette beside her. The woman giggled and eyed Jack appreciatively.

Jack arched an eyebrow and inhaled deeply. He knew it was bad as soon as she called. But then who else could she call? Teal'c and Jonas were restricted to the base for the next few days and General Hammond was her boss, as well as her father's friend. Slowly, almost reluctantly, Jack made his way over to Sam and her friend. He smirked as Sam casually brushed off a potential suitor.

Jack came to an abrupt stop in front of the two women and shoved his hands into his pockets. "You rang, Carter?"

Sam reached out and grasped his hand in hers. "Hi, sir! You came!"

"You ordered me, Carter."

Sam blinked. "I did?"

Sally poked Sam in the side, eyeing Jack with undisguised interest. "Sham, aren't you going to introduce us?"

"Colonel, you remember Sally, right?"

Jack winced, a sense of apprehension growing. "Lieutenant Sally Grosset?"

Sally grinned. "Yep. Hi, Colonel."

Sam leant in close and patted Jack on the cheek. "Isn't he cute?"

"He sure is. I like his hair." Sally giggled. "Are you sure you can't spare him for the weekend, Sham? I always wanted a cabana boy."

Jack stifled a groan. He knew that was going to come back and bite him. "Oh, god."

Sam stubbornly shook her head. "Nope, he's mine."

Sally pouted. "C'mon, Sham. Share."

"There will be no sharing! I will not be someone's errand boy!"

Both Sally and Sam pouted. "Spoil our fun."

Sam brightened. "Hey, you can have Jonas. He's blond, and has some strange fascination with the weather channel."

"Is he cute?"

Sam shrugged. "He's no Jack, but he's okay."

"Well…" Sally looked at Jack and tapped her chin. "Okay, but he better be cute."

Jack tried to frown fiercely, but Sam's declaration of Jack's cuteness and her possessive attitude were severely hampering any attempt. "Is this what you ordered me here for?"

Sam looked up from playing with his fingers. "Yep!" She looked around the raucous bar. "I'm bored."

"Me too," Sally seconded.

Jack sighed. "All right. I'll take you home."

"No, let's go see Uncle George!" Sally grinned widely.

Jack closed his eyes slowly, as if he was in pain. "You're an Air Force brat, aren't you?" He shook his head sharply. "No, don't answer that. I don't think General Hammond would appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night for a family reunion. C'mon. Get your jackets, we're going."

"But-"

"No!"

Sally and Sam pouted sadly but did as requested.

Jack muttered darkly to himself. "Carter, do me a favor?"

Sam paused in the middle of shrugging on her jacket. "Sure, sir."

"Remind me to never answer your phone again!"

xxx

end.


End file.
